Part 3 of 4: To read parts one and two of Cherry’s story, please click here and here.
Explaining The Negative Effects of Institutional Care on Child Development
During the next visit to the family, they asked us how we had traced them. After explaining our visit to the clinic, meeting U Zay, and making a plan to conduct the survey about traditional medicine (which, as it turned out, the family does not practice - they fabricated that information at the clinic, together with a false names, as a way of hiding the child’s identity) she explained with tears that they had wanted to hide the baby as they felt a lot of shame for having an unexpected pregnancy. Cherry’s birth mother also felt ashamed, and her mother was worried about the rest of the village finding out. She asked us not to tell anyone in the village, which of course we agreed to. She said that they would like to look after the baby in a few years time but were hesitant to commit earlier. Our social workers explained that the early years are very important in child development regarding attachment, as this is when the young brain makes the connections through the bonding of child and parent.
Cherry’s Grandmother seeing her photo for the first time since they were seperated
Subsequent visits meant that we were able to explain more about how children need consistent care, and how in institutions children don’t have regular caregivers. We explained more about attachment, and about different development stages of the child. While the orphanage could provide the child with nutrition, food, clothes, the child wouldn’t receive the same love, affection, and consistent care as they would in a family. At this point Cherry was six months old, and if the family waited much longer it could be more difficult to build that attachment. By this time it was evident that the family wanted the child back. They asked if Kinnected would help reunite them with their baby.
At this point social workers showed Cherry’s grandmother a photo of the little girl. As soon as she saw the photo she started to cry. She asked about the baby’s health and nutrition, and about who was taking care of her. Our social workers discussed about the child’s future and the family said that they are able to provide for the child and wanted to look after the baby as their ‘adopted’ daughter.
Cherry with her social worker
While the family wanted to take Cherry back, the shame that would come from admitting the pregnancy was something that the family were unable to cope with. Because of the underlying cultural situation, they would face ostracisation from their community, and be cut off from friends and wider relatives. Because of this, our team worked to build a story where Cherry’s family would ‘adopt’ her, after our organisation explained that we had found a child in one of the orphanages that was of the same ethnic group as them. This option proved to satisfy all parties and overcome cultural issues, meaning that it would ultimately be possible for Cherry to grow up in her family, free from cultural stigma.
Cherry’s family did not give her up because they didn’t love her, but rather because they felt that it would be impossible to keep her. They believed they were giving her a better life by placing her in an orphanage, and on realising that institutional care was harmful they were devastated. Our team was excited at the prospect of bringing Cherry home.
In our next post we will be sharing the final part of Cherry’s story.